Guilt

I have very slowly been working my way through a book called"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Every relationship has elements of codependency (those behavior loops designed to get your partner to do something for you or give you something without asking for it). Too much codependency and a relationship goes bad. It's a death spiral.

Anyway there was a part that caught my interest and it was on guilt. The quote was:

"We pick on ourselves endlessly, healing piles of shoulds on our conscience and creating mounds of worthless, stinking guilt. Don't confuse this with true, authentic guilt, which motivates change, teaches valuable lessons and brings us into a close relationship with ourselves, others, and our Higher Power. We constantly put ourselves in impossible situations where we have no choice but to feel badly about ourselves. We think a thought, then tell ourselves we shouldn't think that way. We feel a feeling, then tell ourselves we shouldn't feel that way. We make a decision, act on it, then tell ourselves we shouldn't have acted that way. There is nothing to correct in these situations, no amends to make; we have done nothing wrong. We are engaged in a form of punishment designed to keep us anxious, upset, and stifled. We trap ourselves."

It got me thinking about two types of guilt - a real one and a pretend one that we use to beat ourselves up with. I know someone who is riddled with the "beat up" kind. He may even mix it up with some authentic guilt. But I loved the concept of real guilt being something that you can do something about! I'm a doer. Love finding that there are things we can do. I have been running into the concept of making amends as well. But the best bit about this phrase is that there can be a positive outcome from a negative action. If you do something that you truly feel guilty about, you can change or make amends or learn something and things turn into a positive. I have always felt I have learned my biggest and best lessons from my biggest mistakes. How's that for turning lemons into lemonade!!